Monday, July 12, 2010

Me and The TEST Finally Met

Weeks ago, I filled out an online application for this job I wanted to get. The application was filled out from beginning to end. Then there came the last question in the middle of the application.

The question read "When was your last HIV test?"

My heart suddenly stop for one second, as if I was ready to suffer from cardiac arrest. I haven't had sex in about a year. So if I was HIV positive, I was sure to feel some in my system by now. For some people, you'll never know. However, my body is different from others. Any time I had something going on inside, I could feel it instantly. You name it, I felt it, and some of them were things I wish I have never felt. At the end of the day I wasn't scared because I felt like I was infected. I was scared due to the fact that I was going to take my first HIV Test the next day.


Now let me fast forward to the office. Just talking about my way there just don't make any sense. All you need to now is that my cologne and lotion was sweating off so much, people walking around felt like I just left a pool party. I was never sweating, but those two accessories made it look like I was.



I entered the building feeling very confused. My glasses had already fogged up. My heart was beating so fast, it sounded like it was singing Bamboula. It was all good inside of me. NOT!

I walked upstairs and went through the procedure. I put the stick in my mouth. The woman running the place was going through the questionnaire with me. Normally, people would run for the hills when they are being asked about their sex lives. If you are close to me, I will talk to you about anything. However, I ain't afraid to answer the basic questions to anyone. I just told you guys I haven't got laid in a year. The last piece of action I've gotten for the past year is with that razor I use to shave my ass.

For the next half hour I sat in the waiting room reading FAQ's on brochures. If I remembered I had to wait thirty minutes for the test results to come in, I would've brought the Jackie Collins novel I was reading at the time with me.

While waiting, I did one of the craziest things on the planet. I started reminiscing about my sexual experiences a year ago. I am not a player. All of my relationships last a long time, but the ones I've dated are sex freaks. The whole thirty minutes felt like a whole day in the interrogation room. My mind was swirling like an amusement park when it was over. This proves that the boy next door always have better sex in the end.

Everything I was thinking about went away once the lady walked out of the room said "We have your test results."

I walked in and she said my test results came back negative. I couldn't tell you how excited I felt when I heard. I have been an extremely healthy man, and it showed medically on paper. I walked out that building with extreme confidence. It was my first time ever taking an HIV Test.

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