Monday, April 11, 2011

Doesn't Going To The Bathroom Hurts Sometimes?


I knew that one day I was going to have to talk about the negative side of going to the bathroom. As much as I loved talking about how good it feels sometimes going to the bathroom, there is also a negative side.

One day, I was going to the bathroom after eating a whole lot of Southern food. That was the immediate red flag to causing a catastrophe inside my stomach. Still to this day, I eat a whole lot of Southern food. As much as I try to resist eating them, I can't. I have been born and raised my whole life in New Orleans, Louisiana. Even though New Orleans is a city, Louisiana is a southern state first and foremost.

Not only that, but my metabolism is really speeding up. I have to eat twice as much in order to maintain my body. With everything going on with me, it's impossible for to resist eating Southern food.

I went into the bathroom and there were times when I thought I was going to die. I was holding my breath for a long time, waiting for everything to come out. My rib cage felt like it was going to pop out of my body. I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs, but I didn't. The insides of my butt felt like it was visiting the outside world for the first time. It was horrible.

Then there came the worst part. I felt like everything that wanted to come out didn't come out. In order to make it all go away, I covered three of my fingers with soap and swiftly rubbed the inside of my butt. Everything came out but my butt felt bruised. By the end of my crazy session, I ended up crawling out of the bathroom with the biggest pain in the butt I have ever felt in my entire life.

I'm sure you guys have never experienced something like this, but I have to ask you. Doesn't going to the bathroom hurts sometimes?

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