Sadly for sex, it's just not going to happen. I am going to have ordinary sex just like any human being.
One day when I was ten years old, I happened to be snooping around in my parent's closet for some pens. I was completely out of them, and my teachers would get very upset if they found out about it. It's a crazy habit they had. Whenever we would forget something or do something bad, they will remind us that it's their classroom. They'll treat us like we were on the next episode of Intervention: The School Edition. I didn't want to let that happen again and since I knew my parents always had extra supplies, I had no worries about out of pens.
A few minutes after searching through my parent's cabinet, I stumbled upon this one odd looking pen. It looked just like a regular pen, but the top was shaped in an unusual way. I couldn't quite figure it out because I didn't have my glasses at the time. I went for a check-up the day before and they didn't have them ready yet. Everything around me was very blurry.
In the end, I found this new pen that I was so happy to bring to school the next day.
The next day finally arrived and work began. In the beginning, it was hard for me to read without my glasses, but I managed to put it together, and pay attention to what was going on in class. When it was time for us to start working, I went into my backpack and took out the pen. I started writing, feeling confident that I was going to do everything well.
All of a sudden, I hear the words "Is that a dick on your pen?"
Suddenly, the whole class turned around to see who said that. But instead, they got a chance to look at the pen he was talking about. It turned out to be a true. I was holding a pen with a top that was shaped like a penis. I zoomed in a little closer and realized it then.
In order to prevent myself from getting any further embarrassment, I hid the pen from everybody else. But it didn't stop the rumors. Before I knew it, everyone from grades 5-8 knew about this pen I had. The principal came up to me and asked me about it. I told him that it was a total accident, and I wasn't aware because I didn't have my glasses at the time. He confiscated the pen and told me only my parents could get it.
I chose not to tell them and I never saw that pen ever again.
Now that I think about it, it turned out to be a good decision that I didn't tell my parents. After all, they were the ones that was going to be humiliated in the end. That pen came out of their closet next to their porn. Since I always told the truth towards the principal, I would have told him that I found the pen near my parent's private porn collection. That sure would've been an epic scene.