I know I'm not the only person that has gone through something like this, but I'm telling this story for people who are slightly confused.
Growing up, I never was a religious person. Even till this day, I am not that person. I was never forced to follow a particular religion. I would sometimes be in church, and wonder when it was going to end. I wanted to have a close relationship with God, but I didn't want it to be forced on me. My spirituality was my own journey that I had to embark on my own.
As I began studying religion in my classes, I kept on wanting to run the other way. There was this one particular time when my teacher asked us which religion would we follow. Some picked Catholicism, Baptism, Christianity, etc. When the question was directed to me, I couldn't answer them. I told them to give me some time. It was truthfully an excuse to keep the question away from me. Because to be honest, I couldn't pick a religion due to me not being a religious person.
The questions returned to me during my teenage years. My spirituality was being put to the test. There were numerous moments when I thought I was an atheist. I seriously had those thoughts brewing in my mind. I didn't jump to the conclusion about becoming that. However, there was a time when I was wondering if spirituality truly exists.
I don't know what day it was, but I do remember a moment when I realized that I shouldn't have had all of those questions in my head. All I had to do was ask myself this one question.
The question was "Do you believe in God?"
I answered "Yes" without second guessing it.
I do believe in God, but I chose not to follow a religion. From my perspective, it turns out to be a good thing. Because when it comes to religion I realize something. You can't follow one religion without angering another one in a process. It's a shame realization, but that's true.
Now that I look back, I completely understood everything. I understood why I was questioning my spirituality for quite a long time. I do pray, meditate, and send letters to God every so often. That's how I continue my relationship with him. Is my relationship with him still a struggle? It honestly is, but I'm strong enough to admit and concur it.I do believe in God, but I don't let a religion define me.