The one thing I am not good at is removing people from my life. Growing up, I was bullied in school since I first walked in those halls. I was a nerd with glasses, braces, tight clothes, and no Southern accent at all. I was born and raised my whole life in New Orleans, but I was born with a proper accent. That's how I speak fluently. But still, all of those differences about me was something that no one didn't understand, and the best way for them to get rid of me was to treat me like a nobody.
During the time, I did manage to make some friends. Once that happened, I began to develop something like a co-dependency problem when it came to my friends. For most people, it's relationships, but mine is friendships. I became very needy in having friends. The fact that someone loved me as a friend inside and out, I wanted to spend more time with them. I wanted to treasure every single moment I had with them.
Then there came the time when frenemies kicked in. People who will be your friend, but hurt you as well. It does happen to regular friendships, but it's not on purpose. Frenemies are those that hurts you on purpose, and doesn't care how emotional it made you feel. I've had to deal with both of those issues. Frenemies and my co-dependency problem with friends.
When you realize at some point in your life that your friendship with one or more people has run it's course, the most logical thing to do is to end it. That's something I kept forcing myself not to do. Even when it came to the people that I knew was hurting me. I wouldn't let them go and I still treated them like a friend. There were moments when I got down on my knees and begged some people if I could hang out with them. I took a few more emotional hits, which were very lethal because I am an emotional person. Ranging from friends to frenemies, ex's to acquaintances, I took a bunch of hits because I didn't want to remove anyone from my life.
Then one day, I remember sitting on the couch, having a conversation with myself. Yes, I do talk to myself on a daily basis. I was crying like a baby and feeling sick to my stomach. Something in my head said "Roque, you know it's not worth it. It's time for it to end." Of course, I kept on fighting back. My mind was battling itself in a deadly brawl. But then I eventually realized it was right. I realized that maybe there are some friendships that are meant to come to an end. No friend in this world is worth crying for consistently.
So that's what I did the next day. I had to let go of a few people. Some of them removed me from their lives in the process. As hard as it was, I began to feel a little better. The emotional pain stopped coming back and I was able to move on. If I'm going to be brutally honest with you guys, I have to admit that it's still an ongoing battle. I'm only twenty years old, and my inner circle is still expanding. I love being with people. I am a very humble person. I just have to know who my real friends are.
Are there fake friends living among me? I'll never know until the true colors come out. Well I'mma go.....coffee at 2:33 a.m. That can't be good!