Friday, February 24, 2012

Let Me Tip You Before You Tip Yourself

The only time you see someone tipping themselves when they have your change is in the movies. You never see it in real life. However, there are some things in the fictional world that can become reality.

One night, I rode over to Cafe Du Monde, one of the greatest cafes in New Orleans. I don't care if you live here or not. You can never resist going to this place at this once. Whether it's drinking their delicious coffee or eating their sugary sweet beignets, this place is irresistible.

I walked over to the take-out line. I wasn't thinking about staying there. It was after midnight and I was totally exhausted from riding around all over the city. I asked for a bag of beignets and gave them the money. When you ask for a bag of beignets, that means you want one bag that holds three beignets completely covered in sugar. All you have to do is read the menu and understand what I'm talking about when you come down to Cafe Du Monde.

The male worker came back with my change. He gave me my dollars the moment I was thinking about tipping him. In between us was this tipping jar that had cash and a few coins inside. I couldn't resist adding something to that jar. The second I was ready to tip him with a dollar bill and my coins, he put the coins in the jar without even putting them in my hands. He all of a sudden decided to tip himself.

I looked at him with this confused look on his face. I was thinking "Why did you tip yourself? I was going to tip you myself." 

I didn't want to ask any questions. I was tired enough as it was. I grabbed my bag of beignets, walked to my bike, and rode away. I laughed about it ten minutes later. It was amazing to me how something I would only see in the movies happen to me in real life.

Do employees always tip themselves without second guessing it?

Monday, February 20, 2012

Teeth Surgery Gone Wrong

The one thing that I am forever excited for is the fact that after nine years, my braces are finally gone. I know it's been a year since they were removed, but I'm still excited. The thing I had to go through with those braces will be remembered forever. This story I believe truly stands out.

One day when I was at the orthodontist, the dentist found a tooth deep inside of my gums. There was no way it was going to grow because I had more than enough teeth in my mouth. So they made the decision that I had to get them removed. The only way that they could be removed was through teeth surgery. They had to go deep inside my gums and remove that tooth. A regular dentist wouldn't be able to do it. 

I was already feeling nervous at that point. I have never been in surgery before and here I was going under the knife. I didn't freak out that much, but I sure was scared going to the office.

Two weeks later, we finally made it to the place where my teeth surgery was going to be performed. I sat there in the cold waiting room with my legs shaking uncontrollably. Everyone looking at me could tell I was a rookie from the way I was shaking. The dentist called us fifteen minutes later and surgery began.

The dentist was clever to use anesthesia before surgery began. If they weren't going to use it, I would be jumping across the room in pain, kicking everyone across the room. The entire room would look like a scene from a traditional screwball comedy film. 

An hour later, the surgery was finally done. I woke up feeling completely drowsy. I couldn't even walk. They had to bring me downstairs in a wheelchair and carry me to the taxi cab. I was asleep for seven hours straight. It helped me pick up on some sleep since I was only sleeping six hours a day during school hours.
Fast forward two months later. I am going to the orthodontist for another check up. Once they examined my teeth, that's when they realized that they made a mistake. It turns out that there was another tooth found inside of my gums. Due to the mistake, I had to go to teeth surgery all over again, which cost more money, and more anesthesia.

Friday, February 3, 2012

My Side Effect From Underage Drinking

One night, me and my boys headed over to our favorite sports bar, celebrating another win from our favorite football team. The five of us were sitting at this table, ordering drinks, pizza, and buffalo wings. That's what I loved about this sports bar. It was a combination of a bar and a restaurant. We would go there every football night and enjoy ourselves with our traditional meal.

I was eighteen years old at the time. So while the boys had tequila and wine, I had root beer. That was fine with me. Growing up, I was always the youngest when it came to the group of friends I made. I was always the baby that needed to be taken care of sometimes. I didn't care if I was two years apart from each of them. I chose the friends I made and I realized I was comfortable being around older people.
I was at the table eating pizza and watching ESPN on the TV screen that was on top of the bar. Harry, one of my friends in the group, kept hitting me softly in the arm. I looked over and there was Troy. Troy then moved this shot of tequila towards my arm. He kept giving me sign languages, even though I already knew what he was referring to.

"Have a drink?" he asked me.

"Troy," I said to him. "You know I'm eighteen."

"I know. Have a drink?"

"We're gonna get in trouble."

"Roque, if you don't take this drink, you'll make me feel bad."

I was very much an enabler at the time. I didn't want there to be a sad look on Troy's face. So I took the shot of tequila and drank it. Before I knew it, I grabbed four more shots and just threw them back. Troy was so happy. Ten minutes later, he soon realized he was going to regret giving me the drinks. My own personal side effect from drinking at a young age kicked in.

I got out of my chair and started kissing everyone in the bar. No gender was excluded. Everyone was going to touch my lips. Surprisingly, they were alright with it. All they saw was a young new drunk that was doing his best to have some fun. Either that, or everyone was gay or bisexual. But either way, they got a kiss from me.

Eventually, I passed out on the floor and fell asleep. My friends considered it an opportunity to pick me up and take me out of the bar. I didn't get a hangover the day after. It's somewhat of a miracle that I remember this.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Orgasm At A Rock Concert

Since I'm letting my life be more and more wilder, I thought I might as well tell these more ridiculous stories. I have been giving ya'll innocent stories. My life is much more wilder and crazier than you think.

In a previous blog post, I wrote about me being at a Kid Rock concert for the first time at the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival. Well something happened in the middle of the concert that you guys are not aware of.

While I was jamming to Kid Rock when he was performing "Cowboy", I kept hearing this moaning going on beside me. I thought it was just the everyday yelling and screaming from rock & roll fans, but I couldn't focus on Kid Rock because of it. A few seconds later, the moaning finally bothered me. I turned over to see what it was. Right next to me was this dirty blonde woman who seemingly was going to have a migraine. She kept on moving her head up and down while hitting a man on his back.

"Ma'am?" I asked her.

"YES!" she shouted.

Her first reaction scared me.
"I was wondering to know if you were alright?"


I couldn't stop staring at me. Something told me that something was wrong with her.

"What's going on with you?" I asked again.

"I'M HAVING AN ORGASM!" she shouted at me.

My eyes were way up to the point where I thought they were going to fall out. I couldn't believe this dirty blonde woman was having an orgasm during this Kid Rock concert right in front of me. By the time Kid Rock stopped performing the song, she was finally done. I don't know how, but it was almost as if her and the song were connecting in some sort of way. I finished drinking my snowball and just tried to forget about the whole incident.