Thursday, June 28, 2012

Experiencing The Male Version Of Hot Flashes

As a male who's very close to a couple of female friends, I've sit down and listen to them whining about their female problems. From talking about their periods to talking about their difficult relationships with men, I've had female friends say things to me that will live on forever when it comes to understanding women. These conversations are as close to organisms I'll ever get from them.

However, there is one female experience I can now tell women that will bring us closer together. It's called "hot flashes."

It was ninety-five degrees with a humidity that felt like a hundred. I walked outside with no worries about sweating due to me being unable to sweat for four days. It was like my perspiration left my body without telling me. I know sweat is good for the skin and I wanted to sweat each of those times. Nothing happened.

I was leaving a restaurant with fried chicken in hand and began walking back to the house. While walking, the sun was coming down on me real hard at a certain point. I felt like a satellite ready to collect the sun's rays. Within minutes of walking, I can feel sweat finally escaping my body. After four days of disappearing, it was finally showing up. Only this time, it showed up in an unusual way.

It first started coming out of my neck. Within seconds, it began to move around my neck like am invisible snack. Three blocks later, I felt like I was wearing the human version of a dog collar. The sweat surrounded my neck in an unusual way. The sweat did of course appear in the obvious places: head, butt, chest, and back. Thus was just the first time I ever had sweat surround my neck like a dog collar.

I arrived at the house with a wet t-shirt. My briefs felt like they were glued to my butt. My socks felt soaked up. My face felt like a waterfall, even though the bumps were gone due to the salty sweat. If I wanted to, I could've told my friends I mowed the lawn, and they'd believe me. And then they would ask me "If you moved the lawn, why are you still so thin?"

 I looked to the right and I saw my neighbor outside her front door. I reach over and told her "Hey, after this high temperature today, I now understand how you women feel when you say 'I'm having hot flashes.'" 

Now that's an interesting thing to share with my female friends.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Where Are The Rest Of The Restrooms In New York?

The one thing that  is definitely different about New York and New Orleans are the restrooms. I've been living here for a couple of weeks now and I feel like I'm getting close to more unisex experiences every day than I did back in the south. I do believe that both genders should be treated equally, but I'm starting to think the restrooms should be an exception.

I was walking down Wall Street after a two hour walk. My legs have been getting back in shape since I moved here. I walked into a Starbucks with the restroom on my mind. I walked into a fully functioning Starbucks, but there was no restroom built inside of it. At that moment, I was freaking out. My blatter felt like acid trying to break free of this shell called my penis, and I wasn't letting it because I didn't want my pants to get wet. I probably was provoking it since the only thing I bought from Starbucks was that sparkling juice.

I left Starbucks within minutes of walking in and tried to find a different one, so that I could use their restroom. When I finally walked inside a different Starbucks, I found myself looking at ten people together in one line, waiting their turn. A quick glimpse made me realize that it was a unisex restroom, which visually looked like a small excuse for a cubicle with a toilet inside of it.

I couldn't wait for those ten people. So I left Starbucks again and found myself walking while looking for a restroom in desperation. There was no Starbucks in site. I got scared and decided to go to the one place that I felt was best to go to. McDonald's.

I ran into the restroom and I found myself walking into the Dominican Republic. It was way too crowded. Three in one line and two in another. It was moving like a mini factory inside this one restroom. But eventually, the spot was opened and I let loose on the toilet.

As I'm walking, I'm still shocked by the fact that the restrooms. Some places either have a unisex one or don't have one. If you're looking for opposite sex restrooms, good luck with that. Or if you are looking for a large restroom, go to the ones in a hotel. You won't find them in small joints. It'll be hard to find. I guess it's another realization about New York that I need to adapt to.

Monday, June 25, 2012

I Don't Mind, Do I?

One day at the library, I was checking out the first season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars on DVD. It's still shocks me that the show has had four seasons on Cartoon Network already. I've hardly been watching the network ever since Ed, Edd n Eddy was cancelled. The latest shows on the network are somewhat whack. I could no longer handle being a part of it's fan base the way I used to be.

When my books were getting checked out the librarian asked me if I mind if she could put rubber bands on the DVD set. If I opened it at any time, there was a possibility that all the CD's inside would fall out.

"Do you mind?" she asked me.

I didn't have a problem with it. But this is how I confused her. Instead of shaking my hand, I moved it up and down. It made her think I did mind it, even though I didn't. Five seconds later, I came to a realization that I gave her the wrong response. I didn't mind her putting rubber bands on it. I walked away feeling like a complete fool.

This is something I have a habit of forgetting. If you don't mind anything, say or show that you don't mind it. If you do, say or show that you do. There are times when I get mind and don't mind confused and accidentally gives people the opposite response. I don't mind anything, but I accidentally tell them I do mind.

Do you have a habit of doing that or is it just me? Please agree! Don't make me feel left out. Lol

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Las Vegas Didn't Pay Me Back

When I was fourteen years old, I had the opportunity to perform at a school in Las Vegas when I was in my high school performing arts program. I was incredibly ecstatic. It was first time being in states other then Florida. We stayed at the marvelous Flamingo hotel. Everything about that hotel was amazing. I could just describe everything that was at the hotel, but that's another blog post. 

On the third day, me and my friend Troy, one of the other students in the program who happened to be my hotel roommate, decided to go downstairs to buy some souvenirs. We've been working nonstop and never got a chance to take a break. That was my fault. I developed my workaholic ways very early. I felt bad for Troy and myself. So we decided it was time to go shopping.

Let me tell you something about Las Vegas. Everything about it is true. It is crazy expensive. We went to the gift shop and all I could find was this Las Vegas shirt for $100 dollars. To be honest, I didn't mind spending that much. I felt like I worked enough to splurge a little bit. I was a spoiled kid growing up. As the only child of two parents, I got almost anything I wanted. But later on in my teenage years, I did start making my own money. Because of that, I felt like I do whatever I want with my money, no matter how much I was spending.

Due to that, I used my debit card and bought the T-shirt.

Fast forward an hour later. I got this call from my cell phone from my mother and she is screaming and yelling at me in response to my spending. Both of our accounts were connected at the time. She could access whenever she felt like it in order to see what I doing with my money. There were moments when I had to keep the phone away from my ear and put it under the pillow because she was being ridiculous. She knows I don't like it when people cuss, and there she was on the other line, acting like one of those females on those ghetto reality shows.

I caved in and I returned the shirt. I gave them the receipt and they told me that they would transfer the money back to my account. That was six years ago and I didn't get my money back. I'm not upset. I make more than $100 nowadays. But when I look back at it, the only thing that disappoints me is my mother. If I knew Las Vegas wasn't going to pay me back, I could've at least kept the expensive shirt.

Now people wonder how they come up with those Hangover films. It's based on real life whether you like it or not.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

MUSED Magazine - Thug Love: Dating A Bad Boy

One of the new features I pitched to MUSED Magazine was one about bad boys. I thought based on my own personal experience that this would be a very interesting article to write about. I put it all together and sent it to them.

We all went through that time in our life when we dated a bad boy. Here is my perspective on it.

Click on the picture to read it. I hope you like it.