Thursday, June 28, 2012

Experiencing The Male Version Of Hot Flashes


As a male who's very close to a couple of female friends, I've sit down and listen to them whining about their female problems. From talking about their periods to talking about their difficult relationships with men, I've had female friends say things to me that will live on forever when it comes to understanding women. These conversations are as close to organisms I'll ever get from them.

However, there is one female experience I can now tell women that will bring us closer together. It's called "hot flashes."

It was ninety-five degrees with a humidity that felt like a hundred. I walked outside with no worries about sweating due to me being unable to sweat for four days. It was like my perspiration left my body without telling me. I know sweat is good for the skin and I wanted to sweat each of those times. Nothing happened.

I was leaving a restaurant with fried chicken in hand and began walking back to the house. While walking, the sun was coming down on me real hard at a certain point. I felt like a satellite ready to collect the sun's rays. Within minutes of walking, I can feel sweat finally escaping my body. After four days of disappearing, it was finally showing up. Only this time, it showed up in an unusual way.

It first started coming out of my neck. Within seconds, it began to move around my neck like am invisible snack. Three blocks later, I felt like I was wearing the human version of a dog collar. The sweat surrounded my neck in an unusual way. The sweat did of course appear in the obvious places: head, butt, chest, and back. Thus was just the first time I ever had sweat surround my neck like a dog collar.

I arrived at the house with a wet t-shirt. My briefs felt like they were glued to my butt. My socks felt soaked up. My face felt like a waterfall, even though the bumps were gone due to the salty sweat. If I wanted to, I could've told my friends I mowed the lawn, and they'd believe me. And then they would ask me "If you moved the lawn, why are you still so thin?"

 I looked to the right and I saw my neighbor outside her front door. I reach over and told her "Hey, after this high temperature today, I now understand how you women feel when you say 'I'm having hot flashes.'" 

Now that's an interesting thing to share with my female friends.

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