Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Reason Why I Live An Open Book Life

The one thing that's obvious about me is that I'm an open book person. I made a personal decision a long time ago to open the doors to my life. I live without a single lie or secret surrounding it. If you ever ask me a question, I'm giving you the full truth. If I lied to you, I would beat myself up about it.

One of the main reasons why I live an open life is because of my family. No disrespect to them, but my family is a walking soap opera. Every time I visit one of my family members, it's like I'm walking into a room full of secrets. Even though they look together and happy, it was accessorized with lies and secrets being swept under the rug. If someone found out about one, it's a bipolar war.

There were times when I would cry over the fact that I had a family that didn't care if I found out about some important things about me that I should've been aware of from the start. I don't care about their personal secrets. However, it becomes my business when I'm dragged into it without my consent.

I will never forget a time when I found out about these two secrets my mom kept from me. Once I addressed to her how sad and depressed I was because of it, all she said was "So what? I don't care if it hurts you. You want dinner?"

Picture eight family members you treasured a lot telling you the same thing?

It's a pattern that refused to go away in my family tree. That's why I hardly talk to them nowadays. Because of that, I refuse to live my life under a web of lies and secrets. It's a fear I have. That I'm going to be living with lies and secrets. In my book, not gonna happen.

The other reason is because of my observations and opinions on life. The situations and realizations that I go through living here in the 21st century is appealing to me, and apparently a lot of people. These stories are interesting and I know that people are relating to it. So what's the use of telling these stories in the third person when you can tell them exactly what you've gone through? Take them on the journey with you.

This is my explanation on why I live an open book life. Once again, no disrespect to my family or anyone related to them. That's their personal decision on wanting to live like that. They just motivated me on not wanting to live like that, and instead be open about who I am. To me, the truth is easier to deal with and easier to live with.


azure_boone said...

The truth doesn't change whether we lie about it or not. I know exactly how you feel. I hate putting on a show for people. And yet, I will to a degree for my children. I think we get confused with "setting a good example when it comes to handling our faults or other's" to "acting as though they don't exist"

I do hate that. And while I smile through some pain, that doesn't mean I'm lying to myself about it. It just means I'm dealing with it till I find a way to resolve it. But I'm like you, I especially hate pretending with adults. Don't you just hate how we can be cruel with some people we're supposed to love and turn around and be nice to them for the sake of "looking nice" to others? I despise that. If you have the balls to be nice in front of so and so, then you'd better be nice when they're not around or we're going to fight.

Liz Gray said...

Wow! Much impressed! To be so young and so wise!! Learning not to care what others think of you is true liberation indeed. But being able to say in such a way that keeps the peace, well now, that's grace. Your writing shows you have both. Keep going! (I loved the sentence about starting a bi-polar war...that's some good description!)

Anonymous said...

Well, I say "Do you boo!" Kudos to you!