Monday, August 13, 2012

I Fell In Love Only Once

You know that thing people say about first love? That you will never forget your first love? Well I agree on that 1000%.

One thing about me that I believe will surprise people is that when it comes to relationships, I’ve only been in love one time. Six different men have been a part of my life since I was fourteen years old. But throughout all of those relationships, I only fell in one with them.

It was my high school boyfriend. He knows who he is. He’s a very good friend and I’m happy to have him as a friend.

It all started when we were fourteen years old. We were each other’s first everything.  He was the first person that influenced me to come out. He and I were the only and possibly the first openly gay couple at our school. Even when we broke up midway through those four years, people still thought we were a couple because we tried to maintain a friendship with us. He was the first time I was ever intimate with a man, and I will admit it was one of the most romantic times of my life. I truly fell in love with him and so did he with me.

Of course, we went through emotional ups and downs during that time. First relationships are always the toughest. But through all of it, we still maintain a friendship. I remember asking him one time “Why is it that we’re still close?” The journey we went through was not easy.

His response was something I’ll never forget. He said “Because you’re a special piece of my heart that I will never even attempt to get rid of.”

I agree on that immensely and I’m so happy that he’s still a part of me. Do I still love him? I love him more than any other person in the world. Do I want to get back together with him? I have my moments when I want him back and he knows it. But as long as we’re still in each other’s lives, the friendship we have is good for me.

I look back at some of my relationships and I now realize that I’ve never the five of them. I was physical attracted to them, but I was never emotionally attached to them. Sometimes I wonder how did those relationships materialize.

So my journey to falling in love continues, but I will never forget that one person who gave me and is still giving me the love that everyone deserves.

1 comment:

Karine said...

That was soo good. I really appreciate your thoughts.