Half the night is already gone and I'm wide awake. I feel like a dog who has the ability to wake up at any time they want and never get exhausted. They just yawn, drink some water, and continue another day as a dog.
I can't sleep due to my inner thoughts causing me to think about caring. I sometimes wonder what that word means to people. I sometimes think people are misinterpreting it and bringing to life the devil's version of the word. God forbids that word should never exist. After all, if that word didn't exist, we would all be dead by now.
I, for one, am a person that truly cares. My life almost surrounds that word. I care about myself. I care about others. I care about my career. I care about life. I show care in all kinds of forms because I want to show that there is truly another person in this world that shows love. Of course, there are times when I cross the levels of caring by being overly affectionate and getting attached to people faster than the average person shouldn't do. I just can't help it. It's in my blood.
There are times though when I believe I'm the only person on this planet that truly follows the definition of the word “care”.
Nowadays, I see people use that word as a sign of weakness. Or better yet, as their secret weapon. As soon as a caring person walks into their life, they consider it either an illness or something they can use against that person. It's as if caring people were born to be used and abused because they don't know how to put their emotions to the side completely until their alone and not around other people.
I truthfully admit that my acts of caring for others, even though I love myself more, has been used against me and fed to the enemies for their own pleasure. A kind, short, quirky, hardworking man in his twenties with a smile on his face 90% of the time. That's easy for almost anyone to chew up and spit out without a care in the world how that person feels after putting scars on them.
Sometimes I wonder if I should keep all of my caring to myself. Let others know how it feels not to care. Sadly, my Libra self can't. It against my natural state of mind to hold grudges or be completely angry. All I can do is self reflect while moving at a glacial pace. That and change the many chapters of my life (people, places, etc.) whenever I feel my acts of caring is being abused or not even being paid attention to because people find annoying like the everyday outsider.
Why does life have to be so difficult when it comes to caring?