Thursday, July 18, 2013
Allowing My Friend To Ruin His Life
I normally don't talk about my friends like this, but the recent lessons I've learned inspired me to write this incredibly personal piece.
I once had this friend. Let's call him Carl. Carl is a young, ambitious, funny, and passionate person. It didn't take me long to make him a friend of mine. We went to events together. We attended social events together. We always talked to each other on the phone. I made it a priority to make our friendship last long.
After all, when was the last time you heard of two platonic gay men hanging out all the time?
As our friendship got closer, I began to notice the different sides of Carl. One time, I caught him hanging out with people I associated with previously. I say previously due to the fact that I've had a history of bad experiences with these people. They lie, steal, sabotage friendships, home wreck relationships, have sex with everyone. Everything about them screamed "bad crowd."
One time when I was standing next to him, this male put his arm around him and said "Have you guys met my future husband?"
To everyone around them, it was a joke. However, it wasn't a joke for me. My brotherly love extincts kicked in and I wanted to be as far away from them as possible. I expressed my concern to Carl and I thought he would listen to me. Sadly, he didn't.
Some of my friends who also associated with him would express to me how he used to call them at 2-4 in the morning, saying that he was near the area and was wondering if he could "take a shower." To a well trained, there is more meaning to that favor. If the person calls in the wee hours of the morning asking for a shower, that means they hope to take a shower, and stay over as much as they could until the morning arrives. Stories like this has made me aware that Carl's dependability on others has been leading to a lot of dangerous situations.
How I know? I fell a victim to that one time with Carl. He called me at 3 in the morning and told me he was nearby. Of course, I let him stay over. It was snowing at the time.
The final icing on the cake when it came to Carl was that he's a slacker. There were numerous times when me and my friends have offered him amazing opportunities for paid internships and part time/full time jobs. Carl is a young man. All these opportunities only happens to people around our age demographic. That's why it's good to grab them while you can. Carl doesn't think that way and slacks around. Most of the time is on purpose.
There was a time when I wanted to help him so badly. It's due to me having a whole lot of love and care for him. When you're a friend you try your best to make sure that no one is left behind, and that everyone stays on the journey with you. But a recent conversation with an older friend of mine led me to the conclusion that it was time to let Carl go. I have to let him fall down and pick himself up on his own.
We all have friends who are like that. They are the ones that cares so much about their friends and their well-beings that they will do everything they can to make sure nothing bad happens to them. But ask yourself the same way my older friend asked me. Who told you to protect him?
I haven't heard from Carl since. He doesn't call me on the phone. He never picks up my calls. I see him every now and then at social events. So whatever is going on with his life is no longer any of concern. I'll think about him every now and then, but I do hope he is well.