Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Why Can't I Express Vulnerability?

One thing my friends know about is that I am a serious person. I take to heart every single detail in my life. I may seem intimidating or anti-social at first. But when you get to me, I actually turn out to be a cool person to hang out with me. It takes time, but you'll eventually figure it out. I take my time into welcome you to my life. I carefully observe people when I'm meeting them at first. Then when I open the door of my life to you, I will do my best to make sure you'll never leave.

However, there's one question people always ask about me. When I last time I ever cried? Why am I never vulnerable when someone is crying in front of me? Do I cold heart? Here's my answer to that all those questions.

I can't. I just can't express emotions in the moment.

For years, I've been asking myself why can't I just cry within seconds like a regular person? Why can't I express emotions when another person in front of me is crying?

I had to look at my childhood for answers. Growing up, I was bullied, teased, and picked on by friends and family. Living as an outsider has caused me to shed so many tears with my face flat on the floor. I can't tell you how many times as a kid my face was flat on the floor or ground. Some of it even carried on with me during my teenage years. I've always found myself crying and shedding tears because I was an emotional mess on the inside.

Once I became an adult, the tears just stopped. When there was a time when I had to cry in the moment, I just couldn't. My stomach will begin to cramp up and my thoughts will be racing 24/7 when it comes to serious topics, but I can never physically show my seriousness. I would express anger and happiness more often, but sadness and vulnerability is just one thing that is hard for me to express.

The first sign was when I was at my cousin's funeral. I was sitting there in the second row and I didn't cry one bit. While all of relatives were just losing it in the church, I was just frozen as a block of ice.

Based on studies I've read, humans develop a strong defense mechanism after years of crying and expressing vulnerability. They subconsciously prepare themselves for heartbreaking moments by instantly building a wall in their mind, thereby protecting themselves from hurt or pain. Of course, you will still feel pain in your stomach, but it won't show itself on your face.

That doesn't mean I'm like this all the time. Special people in my life has seen that side of me. Due to the large amounts of trust and love I had for these people, the walls came down and I seemed to be the most vulnerable person in the world. They used to think of it as a once in a blue moon moment.

I maybe a serious person, but I have my moments. I guess it takes a special person to get that side of me out of it. For me, I'm not a cold person who doesn't have a heart. I just find it difficult expressing vulnerability.

Monday, September 23, 2013

The First Week Is Always Hell

Using the services of Alkaline Guru and Eden on Earth has influenced me in a variety of ways. One of the most surprising things that I began doing is going to the gym in order to stay fit. My main goal when it comes to working out is to not have rock hard abs. I just want my muscles to hug my shirts and to remain consistent and stable.

Everyone has heard of that theory. One day, your body looks like a million bucks. The next week, you wake up in the morning and your stomach has a muffin top. Working out must be .

If you've been a consistent workout person, there's one thing that all of us are aware of that should be spoken to first timers. When it comes to the first week, expect your muscles to hurt like hell. Your body is at first not used to being worked out so much. All of these new regimes is putting it in a stock of shock, causing it to tighten up a little bit.

Reports like this proves that you are doing the right thing. Just be sure to stretch first and give yourself two days after the pain starts to occur. Once the first week in over your body will adapt to this new regime and everything will fall into place when it comes to working out.

The only thing you'll have to promise yourself that you will stay faithful to your plan and not give up. Once you stop, it'll be hard to get back up. The first week is only the beginning. If you can handle that, you will surely overcome the week after.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Socialite Stories: The Zenbiz Trippin Travel Mixer

Last night, I had the honor of attending the The Zenbiz Trippin Travel Mixer, which was presented by the travel company Zenbiz Travel. I've always been a fan of this company and their events. It brings out the kid in me when it comes time to party.

I arrived at an event and felt well at home after encountering so many familiar faces. From Carmen Neely and Robert West of Harlem Pride to Doice John, an acquaintance of mine who just so happened to be hosting the show that night. Honestly, that was going to be my first time seeing my friend live for the second time. The last time was when I was part of the panel at a hosting event.

After talking and eating tortilla chips, the main event began. They had speakers such as Denella Ri'chard, Business Development Director of Norwegian Cruise Lines and Kier V.B. Matthews, CTIE -Vice President of Sales for Europe Express.

For someone likes me who has aspirations to travel, it was wonderful just standing there listening to the services, rooms, and accommodations that comes along with this cruise line. Makes me want to strongly consider looking into a variety of these services.

I was also laughing my face off to the woman that was hosting the show.Tammy Peay was a wonderful comedian and I know I love to laugh.

In the end, the whole event was lovely. I can't wait to attend the Zenbiz Travel event. I'll be another nerdy looking socialite dancing around like he lost his mind. Can't wait until then.

Pigeon In The Backpack

It was just another typical ending to a day in the life of a third grader in elementary school. I ran out the door with this large smirk on my face. I felt happy that I was as far away from my third grade teacher as possible. We all have that one teacher that worked on our nerves. I had three of them. One in third grade. Second in tenth grade. Third from eleventh to twelve.

I was walking to the side of the school with a friend of mine. We have our regular chit chats before he gets picked up by his parents and I get picked up by my van driver. We made it to the corner and stumbled upon this pigeon just coming onto the sidewalk after being on the street for seemingly quite a while.

The pigeon had one foot and it's wings were broken. I could tell because it was hard for it to flap it's wings. Without it's wings, the pigeon was vulnerable and helpless.

"Poor thing," I said to my friend. "If only I could take it home with me."

My elementary school friend really took that seriously and picked up the pigeon.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"You said that you couldn't bring it home with you," he said. "Well I can. So I'm taking it home with me."

Without a second thought, my friend jammed the pigeon in between his school books and closed the bag behind him. My guess was that the pigeon died within minutes of being in that bag. There is no way a pigeon could survive after being jammed in like that.

Within seconds, his parents arrived and he went home. I didn't say a word to them. I was just going to let his backpack do the talking.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

One Way To Save Laundry Money

This is something that I discovered that I believe would be very helpful for us living in New York.

One of the things that the majority of us do on Saturdays and Sundays is go out to the Laundromat. It took me time to adjust to this. I’m from New Orleans, Louisiana and we always had a laundry machine in our house. But now I’m currently do have even financial stability to buy my own laundry machine and dryer. I have to go to the Laundromat just like everyone else here in this city.

In order to always have money for laundry, I do this.

I for one hate having change in my wallet. It looks weird in my wallet and it feels uncomfortable when I’m putting it in my back pocket.  Whenever I spend cash and get change in return, I save them back in my apartment, so they could be ready within the next year to be cashed in.

When I collect the change I do another separation. I split the quarters from the rest of the change. Once that happens right in front of me is my laundry money. Since the Laundromat only accept quarters, there is no longer a need to turn cash into coins. I have the coins and I can resume with my laundry day.

This is something I recommend for people who hate having change in their wallet and also hate having to turn cash into coins when it comes to their laundry. Here is a solution I found that I believe could be very helpful to others.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Never Buy One Dollar DVDs

Saturdays are my laundry days. I follow a traditional morning every time this day arrives. I wake up early in the morning, pile up my laundry, head out the door, walk eight blocks to my favorite laundromat, and let the food wash while hot wings are cooking in the oven while I'm gone.

On one particular Saturday, my regime was interrupted by a blanket lying on the sidewalk that had a collection of DVDs on it. Ranging from to comedy to sci-fi films, it was hard for me to avoid them. Growing up, the one thing I've been aware of when it came to DVDs was bootleg material. As much as I was a fan of them at first, horrible recordings of the last bootlegs I ever bought increased my disinterest in wanting to associate with that illegal world.

However, due to my temptation in looking at the clean, undamaged covers, it led me to the assumption that these DVDs were fine to buy at $1 each. So I did. I bought three DVDs for $3 and took them home along with my laundry.

I arrived at my apartment and put the movie in my laptop. Once it started playing, I became incredibly enraged by the fact that there in front of me was another bootleg video. My eyes was looking at low quality, dark screens, cameras moving back at forth. The true definition of a bootleg film. I tossed them away instantly and thought to myself "What a waste of $3."

So consider this a lesson to everyone. No matter how good they look, don't buy one dollar DVDs unless it comes from the store itself.