Monday, October 17, 2016

Mourning The Guy Before 25

When you reach quarter life you go through a grieving process. In the process, you give yourself a moment or even an entire day to say goodbye to the person you were before your 25th birthday. As adulthood kicks in, you think to yourself that it's time to put on a new pair of pants than the one you had before. The kid you used to be is dead and it's time for you to walk the earth as a full adult.

I didn't realize this until now, but I needed to give myself a moment to mourn and say goodbye to the Roque I was before turning 25. That young boy I used to know was gone the moment I reached quarter life. I've occupied my life with some many things to keep me busy that I never sat down and accepted that a part of me was gone. I needed a day and night of mourning.

During the weekend, I sat down on the floor with back up against the foot of the bed. I pulled out a box full of old magazine/newspaper articles, short stories, and favorite blog entries that I've written that were published, and a few unpublished pieces. I looked at some of these things laughing and remembering about what I was doing when I wrote those stories. I also remember people talking to me after those stories were published.

I took some old clothes out of my closet and filled it with new clothes because I wanted to look older. Then finally at night, I sat down at the foot of the bed again, turned on Spotify, drank red wine, and secretly cried away the younger me. I gave myself a day to mourn and say goodbye to my younger self. I know there is still going to be a part of him inside me, but it's time to fully accept the life and experiences of adulthood to the fullest.

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