Friday, July 14, 2017

My Struggle With Chasing Rocky

I had a conversation with my therapist the other day about my work load; being the head writer of an upcoming television show, helping my friend edit his book, and planning my vacation to go back to my hometown New Orleans with my best friend. In the conversation, I revealed my personal struggle with chasing the fantasy of the person that I want to be.

Rocky is a persona I created somewhere in my lifetime. Kind of like Beyoncé when she created Sasha Fierce. Rocky Caston was a way for me to do the job in the business I wanted to be in and then retreat home to recharge back in my apartment as Roque. I love to entertain people and be social, but I'm naturally shy and always thought hard about things I did and said before I even said and do it.

But somewhere down the line, I forgot about myself and started chasing after Rocky unconsciously. I relied on Rocky so much in my career, I forgot who Roque was. Rocky is the active one. Rocky is the social one. Rocky is the one that aspires to be Jay Gatsby. There is nothing wrong with it until you rely on him so much that you stay in character like a method actor.

Eventually, I sat down and my therapist brought me back to Earth. She told me that I need to be in the moment and be thankful for the things I've accomplished now. Sure, I picture Rocky as the heavily successful man I want to be, but I have made my own stepping stones in my career. I may not be where I want to be, but I'm getting there slowly but surely as long as I stay active at what I do. I'm chasing a fantasy to the extreme that I'm not giving myself the chance to enjoy the things I've accomplished thus far.

I will admit that it's still a struggle to rely on Rocky so much because he is forever a part of me. I just have to remember who Roque is and balance it out. We all two sides to our personality, but we can't rely heavily on a singular one.

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